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[A teacher at BYU-Idaho giving a lecture in class.]

Brother Ivers: For example, here in the United States, say you need a marker, I could do this [a marker is tossed and a student off screen catches it]. Don't do that in other cultures. You can do this, [takes marker back from student who caught it] like he did. In some places, in a place like Korea and whatnot, if someone who maybe considers themselves a little lower social status than you—let's say you're the teacher, I'm the student. They'll give you the marker like this [bows and presents the marker in his hands and a female student picks up marker]. See, she's an American, and so she doesn't consider herself lower social status than me, which she shouldn't. [laughter]

And so everybody goes, “Yeah, here's the marker.” That's cool. I'm an American too. I was born in Philadelphia. You could hear the Liberty Bell. Anyway. Anyhow, don't ever do that anywhere because you might be—in Latin America, it's inappropriate. At least some parts of Latin America.

In America, when you're eating, where are your arms supposed to be? Under the table. In many places in Latin America and some other places in the world, your arm—let's say this is a table. By the way, you don't kneel when you eat in most places like this, but anyway. In America, they're supposed to be like this [places arms and hands under the table]. Many other places, they'll be kind of like this [rests arms on top of the table, extended forward]. Like, forearms on the table. It varies. It just varies. But just see how everyone else is doing it.

When you eat, you've got to notice how other people are doing it. In some places, they won't care. Like, for instance, you know how in Europe they'll, you know, cut their meat and then the fork is in the left hand and they'll continue to use—eat like that, whereas in the United States, we put our utensils down and we switch hands and that sort of thing. If you do, if you continue to switch hands in Europe, they'll think, “Well, he's just an American. That's the way they do it.” It's not going to bother anybody. But in some places, some manners may bother. And so try to see how everyone else is doing it.

Now, one time, when my wife served. Well, my wife served a mission in Bolivia. And my wife has red hair and blue eyes. And, so she kind of stood out in Bolivia. And, anyway, we talked before about how men stare at women more in different, in some other cultures. Sometimes people just stare anyway, whether it's the opposite sex or not. They'll just stare. Like, for example. [inaudible] You're an American. This is going to bother you. That's fine. That's a good object lesson. Now, when my wife rode a bus, she'd get on the bus and as soon as she walked on the bus, everyone was staring at her 'cause she's different. And then she'd take a seat. And the people on the bus, whether male or female, would very often do this. [turns around in seat and stares at the students behind him, and gets close to one student’s face]

[laughter]

I won't torture her too long. I won't torture her too long. See, if that happens to you, it's considered normal in some of those cultures because they're normal in some of those cultures, and so don't worry about it. Just look out the window and maybe, you know, yes. I wouldn't try to start up a conversation and say hi. Well, unless maybe you're a missionary. Maybe you could do it. You know, because you never know what the rules are in a particular culture. If you do know what the rules are, then you go with them. But, anyway, it may not be considered rude.

Female student: What if you stare back? If you stare back, will someone look away?

Brother Ivers: They probably won't look away. You'll probably stay there staring at each other. I don't know.

[laughter]

That's a good question. I don't know exactly how those rules work. I don't know. Good question. I don't know.

In some places. You know how we yawn in the United States? In some places, it's rude to yawn without covering your mouth. In the United States, we don't have to cover our mouth. In some places, covering your mouth is essential when you yawn. But in the United States, it's not weird when you cover your mouth, and so I would cover your mouth all the time when you yawn. When you're outside of the United States, you should be prepared.

Another thing, too. In some places, you can't do this in public. In the United States, you can do this in public. In some places, you can't. You can't do this. [Brother Ivers yawns and grunts as he stretches]

That's perfectly fine to do here. Unless it's in the middle of some teacher's lecture. The teacher might be offended. He's not cool like I am. He might be offended. But in some places, it's considered rude to do it in public, and so don't stretch and yawn at the same time in public unless everyone else is doing it.

Sometimes, in some cultures, people won't sit back in a chair in kind of like a relaxed posture, like this. Again, see what everyone else is doing.

In some cultures, they would not sit on a table like I just demonstrated.

In some cultures, people will not walk around with their hands in their pockets, like this. I often teach like this, and I'm sure some of my foreign students think it's weird. Men don't walk around with their hands in their pockets. It's considered sloppy. In the United States, it's considered normal. So don't walk around with your hands in your pockets, unless there's a compelling reason to have them in your pockets, like it's cold outside or something. Pockets are for warming your hands and for carrying things. You don't just put your hands in there for no reason.

Now, let's see. Another thing, too, one time I was in the Yucatan Peninsula. At a house where I was staying, there was a Mexican family, in Merida. Told you some stories about Merida. And I didn't sleep all night. I didn't sleep at all that night. You know why? Because the house next door is about this far away [Brother Ivers stretches his arms the length of his arm span]. It was like a Friday or Saturday night. And they were having a party over there. And there was loud music. Like, real loud music. The entire neighborhood heard the music until 5 o'clock in the morning, and I was like about as far away from the music as from here to that window. And I was sleeping in a hammock, trying to get some sleep. The loud music plus the scorpions walking on the ceiling right above me kept me awake all night long. There were tons of scorpions walking on the ceiling right above me, so I was sleeping like this. [Brother Ivers looks up at the ceiling with a frightened look on his face]

[laughter]

I was a little bit concerned about that. Afraid one might fall on my face, ruin my whole sleep that night.

But anyway. And then, in the morning, I talked to the owner of the house. I said, “Man, that was some party. I didn't get any sleep.” He said, “Oh, yeah. They party all the time. They have a lot of fun.” Didn't bother him at all.

In many places in the world, they have high tolerance for noise. Very high tolerance for noise, especially loud music. Whereas here, only kind of the wild people play their music loudly. Only the people who are practicing conspicuous outrage. Young men playing their music loudly. There, everybody does. Here, like for example, back East. In the West they have higher tolerance for noise than they do in the East, but still, low tolerance considered, compared to other countries. Back East, if you're playing loud music, they may call the police. And here, you're playing loud music, they probably won't call the police, but they'll be complaining to each other about it.

And so other worlds, in some other cultural worlds, if you are playing loud music and the whole neighborhood can hear it, nobody cares. They're enjoying the music. They're digging the music, man. That's cool, yeah. And so, again, that may be interpreted here as bad manners, and it may not be bad manners for them. In Latin America, just walking down the street, whether it's a neighborhood or it's a business district, it's filled with music and celebration. Those people are happy. They enjoy being happy and sharing their happiness with others. And so everyone joins in the celebration indirectly.

Another thing about bad manners—in the United States, if you had an appointment with someone, you're supposed to arrive either five minutes early, on time, or five minutes late. In that 10 minute time period. Many other cultures, it may be 30 minutes. If you're a boss and a subordinate arrives 30 minutes late to a meeting with you, an interview with you, the subordinate thinks everything's cool. The subordinate does not think that he or she has offended you. And so keep that in mind, as well. There's a difference between American time and time in some other countries as far as punctuality. Our culture puts high emphasis on punctuality, many cultures do not. Some do, some don't. But many do not.

Then, in Japan. For example, in America, if I needed to blow my nose in public, I would take out my handkerchief and blow my nose. Maybe not right in front of you guys, but I might go over there in the corner or something. I've seen people at devotionals just take out their handkerchief and blow their nose right there at the podium. [inaudible] can hear all of the commotion. I've seen it happen. Now, in Japan, you do not blow your nose in public unless it's a real emergency. If it's a real emergency, you leave the room if you need to. And if it's a real, real, real emergency, then you go over here in the corner and kind of hide.

And in Japan and many other cultures, they think handkerchiefs are the grossest things they've ever seen. Why would you reuse something you blow your nose in? An American wouldn't have a problem with that. Our culture tells us that's not gross. In other cultures, not all cultures, but some other cultures, that's considered gross. Why would you reuse something you blow your nose in already? So beware of that. Whenever you have to blow your nose in a foreign culture, if you don't know what the rules are, try to do it as discreetly as possible or you may be considered unrefined and gross.

Now, for example, in America, we have a lot of rules regarding personal space. A lot of personal space rules. We'll talk more about that later on. But, in fact, we, just like in Japan, you can be a temporary member of the group. Remember, like Cole's hotel story. But anyway, in the United States, if you go to a restaurant and you sit down in a booth, that's your booth. You kind of own that booth. That's your territory, your sacred space. In some cultures, the personal space rules are different. That ain't your territory. That ain't your sacred space, son. That is anybody's space, still. In some places in the world, even in a place culturally similar like Germany, if the restaurant is full and you and your wife are seated in a booth that can seat four people, sometimes couples will sit down in your booth with you. And to Americans, this is shocking. They're intruding on our personal space, our sacred territory. This is our booth. And they'll just sit down there with you. Except for I say, “Hi. How you doing?” And then they'll start their conversation. And so don't be shocked when that happens.

In India, I had some interesting personal space experiences. It never would have happened in the United States. One, I was eating at this tiny little table, I think I mentioned this to you before, about this big [motions with his hands to indicate a space the size of his torso]. And all of a sudden, this guy I didn't know from Adam came up to me there and put his lunch down on the tiny little table and was eating there right next to me. That would never happen in the United States. In the United States, that would have been my table. Mine! [laughter]

In many places in the world, try not to show the bottom of your foot, the bottom of your shoe. In the United States, we show the bottom of our shoes all the time, it doesn't mean anything.

Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot about the roll [points to students passing around a paper]. This was supposed to be the roll [pulls out paper from his shirt pocket and quickly stuffs it back in], but that's good.

In many parts of the world, especially some places in the Middle East, you don't show the bottom of your shoe ‘cause that could be considered an insult. Some, I was reading an article recently, you know how some of the Afghan soldiers have turned on their American allies? You might have heard about that in the news. Insider killings, in a sense. Members of the Afghan army killing American soldiers. Some of those killings have been linked to cultural insults that would not have been insulting in the United States. Some of them had been linked to American soldiers laying down on the ground, pointing the bottom of their shoes toward that person. An American soldier doesn't think anything's happening. The Afghani takes it as an insult. Another, there's other things been linked to, you know how in America, sometimes, like in a sport situation and you do a good job, these sports players are patting, banging each other on the rear end? You know? Sometimes American soldiers do that. That would be offensive to Afghans. So, anyway, they're starting now to train the American soldiers in cross-cultural differences. And, of course, a lot of the insider killings are religiously motivated, but there's a lot of cultural differences.

Don't use the first name, as I told you before, unless everyone else is doing it. Stick with the formal last name until you know what's going on.

Now, one more thing, too. Remember in some cultures they like to argue with you. They don't consider it rude.

Female student 2: Sorry. I have a question about the first and last name thing.

Brother Ivers: Yeah.

Female student 2: I know here, if they're like around my age, I usually use their first name when I first meet them and then older people I'll use their last name. But is that the same in other cultures, if you just meet somebody for the first time, even if they are around your age?

Brother Ivers: I would think in most cultures that would probably work. I would think in most cultures. It might depend a little bit, too, if they hold a position of authority over you. It might be different. Or if they're a higher socioeconomic level than you, it could theoretically be different. But I would think that they would hold, in the vast majority of cultures, if they're the same age, same group in a sense, same socioeconomic bracket, no authority over you, I would think using the first name would be probably okay in 99 percent of the cultures out there, I would think.

Now, remember, in some cultures, if they're arguing with you, even if they call you stupid, they might not intend to offend. Even here in the United States, you go to New York, Boston, Philadelphia, they may not intentionally offend you. And so that's another thing. It may not be bad manners in their culture, whereas you're interpreting it as insulting or bad manners. And so beware of that.

One time I took my wife to a barber shop in Philadelphia where a barber, he's an old man, he's the one who gave me my first haircut. He still was barbering there. And this guy came in to get his hair cut, and they had a political discussion. And it got very, very heated. And they were even swearing at each other. And I was sitting there the whole time smiling, you know, listening in, and my wife is sitting there panicked. She's from southern Utah, southern Nevada. She's thinking, “Let's get out of here! They're going to punch each other in a minute! It's a bad situation!” And I'm there, “Hmm, interesting conversation.” [laughter]

And when I left, she said, “Oh, man. I'm so glad we got out of there. That was awful. That was scary.” And I said, “Huh?” She interpreted it as bad manners, they were angry at each other. And I said, you know, “Those guys are just good friends. They're just good friends.” And I'll talk more about that when we talk about emotion. There are different cultures that have high tolerance for emotional expressivity, and some cultures have low tolerance for emotional expressivity. We're going to do a whole day on that, familiarize you with some of the differences around the world so you're not offended and that you understand where they're coming from.

[End]